Colin Montgomerie Knows He Has Man Boobs, Unaffected by Criticism

On Thursday came word that Colin Montgomerie, the best golfer who'll never win a major, also won't have Jack Vettriano painting his portrait, either. Because of the man boobs, you see.

For those of you who don't know -- and, frankly, I'm guessing that's just about everybody reading this -- Vettriano is a well-known Scottish painter who has been shunned by the art community despite great commercial success. (If I had to guess, he's the Carrot Top of the comedy world.) And, apparently, he also discriminates against portly gentlemen who have developed breasts.

Surprisingly, the sometimes volatile Monty (derisively affectionately known as Mrs. Doubtfire because of his round face and ample rack) seemed unaffected by the comments, presumably because he has no idea who Vettriano is. Montogmerie's agent, however, had a few thoughts on the matter.

Montgomerie had at first kept a dignified silence when Vettriano's comments were revealed by The Scotsman earlier this week, preferring to focus on the build-up to the Volvo Masters, in Valderrama, Spain.

However, yesterday the golfer's agent, Guy Kinnings, said: "Colin just laughed about it. He doesn't know who the guy is but he was surprised by what he said. He does tend to laugh at these things. He is more interested in focusing on his golf." ...

Of Vettriano, Mr Kinnings added: "I think the gentleman has been rather rude... It seems a very rude thing for him to have said about someone he doesn't know and about someone who is such a popular ambassador for Scotland."

Yeah, no matter how big his moobs, there are just some things you don't discuss in polite company. It's probably worth mentioning that the National Gallery of Scotland, the outfit allegedly interested in having Vettriano paint Monty's portrait, denies making such an inquiry. Which follows; NGS abhors art depicting men with breasts.*

* speculation based on, well, absolutely nothing