Lyle-Montgomerie Catfight a Hoot

TURNBERRY, Scotland -- Sandy Lyle cannot shut up. He called Colin Montgomerie a cheater, apologized and called him a cheater again, and now is saying that Montgomerie is not a man.

"We sometimes call him a bit of a drama queen," Lyle said on BBC radio Thursday. "He's probably milking it a bit."

I have conflicting thoughts here. We've all done what Lyle is doing, saying one dumb thing, trying to correct it and accidentally making it worse. So you try to fix it, and make it worse again. And when you watch a man doing that, you just want to scream, SHUT UP ALREADY, and it will all go away.

On the other hand, this whole Bickering Brits thing is just too funny. Why would we want it to go away? I mean, Lyle is actually still hoping that Montgomerie will select him as vice-captain of the Ryder Cup team, but admitted that his recent comments put that "in jeopardy, very much so."

You think?

Meanwhile, Montgomerie's agent says that Monty doesn't want to talk, and that he doesn't know how he has been drawn into this. And let's put it this way: Boo hoo.

On Thursday, the Scottish Daily Mail reported that Monty said he had quit his practice round Tuesday after five holes because he was so distraught over Lyle's comments, and he also decided not to stay in the posh Turnberry Hotel, but rather to go up the coast to his father's house to be comforted by his father and his wife.

Drama. Queen.

I'm not really into name-calling, but what a couple of ninnies. It's clear that Lyle is right. Monty is playing up the victim card.

Of course, he is the victim.

"You have to get around to it and stop hiding behind your manager and come out and have a talk," Lyle said. "He should see that, too. He has had enough experience with the press as well. He should be a man about it and we will get together and sort it out over a couple of pints."

Not sure what there is to talk out. Cheater. Drama queen. Be a man. It's all pretty much out there.

It started last week, when someone asked Lyle if he thought his actions last year, when he walked off mid-round in the British Open, had cost him a shot at being the European Ryder Cup team captain. Lyle brought up an incident from four years ago at the Indonesian Open, when Monty seemed to improve his lie with a questionable drop after a rain delay.

"Monty dropped the ball badly and that is a form of cheating," Lyle said. "What he did was far worse."

When the news suddenly covered the back page of the British tabloids, Lyle called a press conference this week to apologize. In the apology, though, he said that he shouldn't have brought up old news, or brought Monty into it, but "I was trying to make the point by comparison that neither of these incidents [Monty's drop nor Lyle's walk-off] had anything to do with the selection of the current Ryder Cup captain."

Rule No. 1 of apologies: Don't explain.

Lyle then inexplicably went on, foot swallowed deeper, to say, "I didn't fabricate a thing. I'm only going on what other people have said, and it was a pretty poor drop. It was one of his mistakes. It will probably live with him for the rest of his life."

He also said, "I hope our friendship is still there."

Well, Monty was uppity, as Monty can be. He said that it didn't sound like much of an apology, that he wanted to concentrate on the Open and would think about the apology later. Then on Wednesday, he said on the radio that he doesn't carry grudges. And then on Thursday, Lyle went to the media to call Monty a drama queen and tell him to be a man.

"People say there is bickering going on," Monty's agent said, "but bickering requires two people."

Oh, two people are involved. But one is fighting quietly. Montgomerie told the Daily Mail that he didn't understand Lyle's attack after he had supported Lyle's candidacy for the Ryder Cup captaincy.

"Is it my fault," Monty said. "that the committee decided that they would like a younger man?"

Meow. You get the feeling that if Monty really were to have a fight, he would do it slapping and kicking. Montgomerie is 46. Lyle is 51. And now, the tabloids have Lyle's latest for Friday's editions. Next round, coming up.

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