Word on the street has Tiger Woods making his triumphant return to the PGA Tour as soon as February, which must've been wonderful news for arch-nemesis Phil Mickelson. No, seriously. You see, the world's No. 3 player admits that he pines for those halcyon days of watching Woods blow away an entire field while everybody watched on helplessly.

"The entire golf world cannot wait for his return. I miss him as a player. I miss him as a person. And I miss trying to track him down because that is always a great challenge."

Lefty does admit that he blew a great opportunity to make up ground on the hobbled Woods last season, and has spent much of the winter trying to rectify his putting woes. I blame his short-game coach and resident egghead, Dave Pelz. Honestly, Philbert doesn't need fancy-pants gadgets, he needs to quit doing stuff like this. I'm pretty sure there isn't a golf robot on the planet that can fix Lefty's above-the-neck issues.

Whatever, Mickelson could still make a dent in Tiger's lead early next year. Despite Mark O'Meara's proclamations, it's not clear when Woods will actually return, and even when he does, you'd have to expect him to be rusty. I know, this is Tiger we're talking about, but between caddying and building golf courses, there hasn't been a lot of time for working on his game.

Which means we should only expect him to win one major in 2009. And definitely no more than two.

It sure isn't "John Daly comes out of nowhere to win the PGA Championship"-style news, but anything that doesn't involve Daly and too many brewskis is worth reporting.

Daly, who made a whopping five of 17 cuts this season on the PGA Tour, is actually in contention at the Hong Kong Open, firing a first-round 68 to find himself in a t-16 after day one. Daly opened with a sub-par 70 round twice all season in the U.S., so anything in the red at this point has to be a move in the right direction for the wing expert.

"I'm not too disappointed, being a little rusty. I haven't played in a month. Two under par on the first round here is pretty good. I'll take it" the 42-year-old American told reporters.

Daly made five birdies and three bogeys at the Hong Kong Golf Club and averaged a whopping 314 yards off the tee, which probably was made more manageable by his 10 of 14 fairways hit in the round.

His 2008 season has been absolutely pitiful, and the golfer now ranked 788 in the world understands that. In a way only Big John can make workable, he compared his season to ... Australia?!?

"My drought hasn't been quite as bad as Australia and the water situation, but it's been close. You just keep fighting and keep working on it.''

Interesting approach there for Daly, to compare his golf came to a liquid drought. There are almost too many beer jokes there to pick the right one. I almost went with, "the North Carolina Hooters can feel Australia's pain," but I thought it was too easy.

Anyway, there is your story. John Daly, back in the swing of things.

Although you probably come to FanHouse for your business news, you don't need me to tell you that the economy is currently in the Thomas Crapper and things don't look to improve anytime soon.

It's gotten so bad, in fact, that the LPGA will have fewer tournaments in 2009, and worse yet, as a cost-cutting measure, some PGA events might do away with courtesy cars. Buick is the official car of the men's tour and, according to the AP, has provided courtesy cars to virtually all PGA events for years.

Parent company General Motors posted a $2.5 billion quarterly loss earlier this month, which brings us to the current predicament.

You can play golf many ways, but the rules only give you two paths -- you either follow them and earn respect or break them and become that guy.

At the second stage of PGA Tour Qualifying School, where nerves go to die, J.P. Hayes became a guy we can all respect a little more. A 43-year-old journeyman that has won on both the PGA Tour and the Nationwide Tour, Hayes was trying, like thousands of his golfing peers, to make it through the second stage of Q-School to the all important final stage, where you either get another crack at the PGA or the solid consolation prize of the Nationwide.

Hayes won't be getting either. This is because he broke one of the many rules in golf that can cause you to be disqualified. Hayes played a non-conforming golf ball for one hole in the first round, and figured out he'd broke a big rule while laying in his hotel room a day later.

On his 12th hole of the first round at Deerwood Country Club last Wednesday, Hayes' caddie reached into his golf bag, pulled out a ball and flipped it to Hayes, who missed the green with his tee shot. He then chipped on and marked his ball. It was then that Hayes realized the ball was not the same model Titleist with which he had started his round. That was in violation of the one-ball rule, which stipulates that a player must play the same model throughout a round.

"I realized there was a penalty and I called an official over," Hayes said. "He said the penalty was two shots and that I had to finish the hole with that ball and then change back to the original ball."

Two-shot penalty, no big deal, Hayes still shot a 74 after the penalty strokes and followed that up with a 71 in the second round. That was when he came to this horrible realization while hanging in his digs that he had done more than just evoke a two-shot penalty. Hayes might be in danger of disqualification.

It's the tradition that will not die. You win a major sporting event, any sporting event, and you either get a call from the President or a visit to the White House.

On Monday, the United States Ryder Cup team, months off fresh off their win over those pesky Europeans, took a trip to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to visit our good pal George W. Bush as what could be the last sports team to make an appearance with His Stumbleness.

Only seven of the 12 members of the team showed, with no real report on why the others didn't make. Phil Mickelson, Anthony Kim, Kenny Perry, Steve Stricker, and fellow Texan Justin Leonard decided not to show their face around Bush, which always makes you wonder what the motives behind the shunning were.

Bush did say that he watched "every minute" of the Ryder Cup, which bodes well for the leader of a country that is in such stable condition right now. I hope he was at the ranch when he watched the golf. That is really the only way to enjoy a nice game of white ball on the tele.

Team captain Paul Azinger said afterwards that meeting with Bush was the "icing on the cake," which means Azinger was about 4,000 times more happy to have Bush around than anyone at the Republican National Convention would have been.

Hey, don't get mad at me, blame McCain. Or the economy. Yeah, blame the economy for my Bush jokes.

In golf news these days, there are basically two things to talk about -- Tiger Woods and Tiger Woods' bum knee.

The top golfer in the land (as of now) has been quoted as saying he has absolutely no clue when he will be back on the links in top tournament form, but Mark O'Meara said he could see Tiger being back as early as February.

"Tiger is doing really well and he is pleased with the way the operation went," said O'Meara.

"I'm afraid the (Dubai Desert) Classic (on Jan 29) is coming round a little early for him to be able to defend his title. That's a real pity. He is going to aim for a return in late February or early March.

He is not going to start hitting balls until the end of December so it would be pushing it for him to come here in January. I imagine he will make his comeback in one of the Florida tournaments. His plan is to play a couple of events before the Masters [in April]."

Yesterday came the sad news that some scoundrel had absconded with Ian Poulter's prized driver. The revelation was so devastating, in fact, that Poulter had to withdraw from the Singapore Open, presumably because he was in mourning.

Forget for the moment that as one of the world's best players, Poulter has a sponsorship deal. This means that everything -- clothes, absurd couture, GOLF CLUBS -- is free.

But you see, this driver was very special to Poulter, and even though he had hoped to improve his world ranking this week, he wasn't willing to take a chance with just 13 clubs in his bag.

Of course, he would've had to play no more than one round like that since Cobra, the company who provides him with his sticks, would've overnighted him a replacement driver. But none of that matters because Poulter only has eyes for one Cobra Speed Pro.

I haven't thought about Ian Poulter since the Ryder Cup, when he was perfecting "Blue Steel" as the Americans cruised to victory. Well, he's still around, and he even competed in last week's HSBC Champions in Shanghai.

Unfortunately, he had his driver stolen during the event, and because Cobra couldn't (wouldn't?) get him a replacement driver until tomorrow, Poulter has decided to pull out of the Singapore Open. Oh, the humanity.

I am really gutted," he told reporters on Wednesday. "I have been thinking about it for four hours and I have decided to withdraw because my new driver will not arrive on time.

"It is disappointing because I did not come all this way not to play. But with so many world ranking points at stake, if I played badly (by using a different driver) I may have lost ground."

A couple of thoughts: first, Poulter's been thinking about that lost driver for four hours? He does realize that the manufacturer will send him another one exactly like the one he lost, right? Second, he can't make his way around the golf course with just his 3-wood in the bag for one freaking day? I mean, is that such a radical idea?

Plus, as Bacon points out, why wouldn't Cobra have a truck at the event to, you know, make him a new favorite driver on the premises? Maybe they find Poulter as insufferable as the rest of us.

I still contend that Anthony Kim should've won the just-concluded HSBC Champions but those pesky, arcane, imbecilic rules of golf conspired against him. I suspect falling off a horse didn't help, either.

In any case, Sergio Garcia somehow outlasted Oliver Wilson for the victory, and not only did the Spaniard earn a shiny, new trophy, he also moved into the second place in the World Rankings, displacing Phil Mickelson, who tied for eighth at the event.

Garcia, now 28, is probably still best known for his inspiring effort at the 1999 PGA Championship, followed closely by his his stellar Ryder Cup record. Despite currently being the planet's second-best golfer, Garcia has loftier goals. Chief among them: getting out of the "Best Player Never..." club currently chaired by Colin Montgomerie:

If there is one gripe most people would have about Tiger Woods, it's that the man who has such a great opportunity as a famous black athlete normally hits the mute button at any sign of controversy.

Honestly, Woods almost goes out of his way to avoid ruffling any feathers, which makes the following all the more important.

Woods, who has stayed quiet on any questions centering around the presidential contest, told some reporters that he was happy with the choice of Barack Obama as the next president of the United States.